The fourth month of 2018 – I guess time really knows how to fly!
To me, this year had a less-than-ideal beginning. I was, and still am dealing with quite a few mental and emotional speedbumps. It took me months of mental agony, self-loathing, and self-doubt to accept that I am going through something that cannot be ignored anymore and something that cannot be addressed in just a day or two. Thus began the first steps towards healing.
While I was prepared to give myself ample resources to resolve each issue, I was caught up in trying to fix things as soon as possible, not realizing a simple truth – hastening a healing process is simply covering up the mess with a tarp and hoping it disappears from existence. So, while the internal and external battles still rage, I try to take a few moments out each day to be truly grateful for everything I have – a loving family, friends who stick like resin to trees, and special people who do everything to keep me on track. These are aspects that are so often taken for granted, and while at most times it feels like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, it helps to remember that we are not completely alone.
Healing is not linear.
A part of the healing journey that I enjoy is making lists – of people I love, things I like and dislike (about everything – including myself), and about things to do. Especially about things to do. Putting down items on paper provides a small sense of daily purpose, and scratching each one out once completed provides a sense of accomplishment – two facets that are vital to anyone going through a similar period of darkness.
Here is one of the lists, one that I’m ready to make public. It seems silly – why would someone feel happy talking about a list? Here’s why –
I want to do it, and I am.
Start adopting a vegetarian diet, for real ✓
Focus on The Alternative Curator
Visit Hampi ✓
Start leading a minimal-waste lifestyle
Record at least one song, and release it ✓
Write more ✓
Travel to Greece ✓
Shop less, save more
Continue my Spanish language course (hopefully with Dad)
Cook more (mum is a recipe treasure-trove)
Take another crack at solo travel
Spend time with close friends, doing things we all enjoy ✓
Go easy on myself ✓
Go on a trek
Focus on mental and physical well-being ✓
Put others first ✓
Put myself first ✓
Read more books (especially the ones gathering dust at home) ✓
Start worrying less – about age, the future, what others may think and say ✓
Find myself by doing things that I like ✓
Let go, slowly ✓
Mental health is a priority. If there is anyone who is facing a similar situation, I encourage you to reach out – to loved ones, to friends, to professionals. It really does help. It saves.