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The fourth month of 2018 – I guess time really knows how to fly!

To me, this year had a less-than-ideal beginning. I was, and still am dealing with quite a few mental and emotional speedbumps. It took me months of mental agony, self-loathing, and self-doubt to accept that I am going through something that cannot be ignored anymore and something that cannot be addressed in just a day or two. Thus began the first steps towards healing.

While I was prepared to give myself ample resources to resolve each issue, I was caught up in trying to fix things as soon as possible, not realizing a simple truth – hastening a healing process is simply covering up the mess with a tarp and hoping it disappears from existence. So, while the internal and external battles still rage, I try to take a few moments out each day to be truly grateful for everything I have – a loving family, friends who stick like resin to trees, and special people who do everything to keep me on track. These are aspects that are so often taken for granted, and while at most times it feels like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, it helps to remember that we are not completely alone.

Healing is not linear.

A part of the healing journey that I enjoy is making lists – of people I love, things I like and dislike (about everything – including myself), and about things to do. Especially about things to do. Putting down items on paper provides a small sense of daily purpose, and scratching each one out once completed provides a sense of accomplishment – two facets that are vital to anyone going through a similar period of darkness.

Here is one of the lists, one that I’m ready to make public. It seems silly – why would someone feel happy talking about a list? Here’s why –

I want to do it, and I am.

Wishlist, 2018

Start adopting a vegetarian diet, for real

Focus on The Alternative Curator

Visit Hampi

Start leading a minimal-waste lifestyle

Record at least one song, and release it

Write more

Travel to Greece 

Shop less, save more

Continue my Spanish language course (hopefully with Dad)

Cook more (mum is a recipe treasure-trove)

Take another crack at solo travel

TNR at least one cat and one dog this year

Spend time with close friends, doing things we all enjoy

Go easy on myself

Go on a trek

Focus on mental and physical wellbeing

Put others first

Put myself first

Read more books (especially the ones gathering dust at home)

Start worrying less – about age, the future, what others may think and say

Find myself by doing things that I like

Let go, slowly

Pray

The Happy Pedestrian

Mental health is a priority. If there is anyone who is facing a similar situation, I encourage you to reach out – to loved ones, to friends, to professionals. It really does help. It saves.